August 16, 2018
I use to make the joke that I never let my schooling get in the way of my education but I’ve decided to do some college level classes so I can get experience in working with laboratory work. I’ve mentioned it to several people such as my therapist and psych both encouraged me to go ahead with such a plan. (You gotta be careful what you tell so that they don’t snitch on you.) I didn’t have to explain exactly why I wanted to do more education, everyone already knows I love learning.
The main classes I want to take are biology related and the ones necessary to move forward in that area. I figured a community college would be good and there is one locally so yay for me. I’ve started the application process. The extent of the application process is a lot more involved than I had realized. I don’t like the idea of the extra classes I’m supposed to get, I think it might take away from what is important. What I am really looking forward to is the ability to do work in a lab with equipment I don’t have and only partially understand.
I don’t know how I’m going to pay for things but I’ve never had to look far for that. Every one of my friends seem to be happy to be given loans without any real collateral so, sounds good right? Paying them back isn’t my concern if I am a success. So tonight, I will do something that will always get results and pray. I will pray for the knowledge to perform the desires of our Lord.
I’ve been faithfully (Get it?) participating in church events that Pastor Monroe has been inviting me to. Having somewhere to go and something to do is helping my depression a lot and allowed me to be more motivated in my activities. I’ve been applying myself and using tips and tricks on how to read and get along with people and act interested in them. Doing this gives me amazing results, all I have to do is nod at the right time or ask the right kind of question and they just spill out whatever they think I might enjoy hearing and I always act like I enjoy it. I get along with everyone this way and they call me a friend but really in the end they don’t know shit about me that I don’t let them know. In fact this has gotten me involved in some church drama.
Its not really drama just, I’m getting involved in things I didn’t know I would be. You see, Pastor Monroe has been telling me about his desire to start his own church. He claims he has some disagreements with the current church leadership. Nothing bad or big just differences in how to preach the word of God. Automatically I acted interested and encouraged him to follow his dreams and that I would even help him if he did. I don’t know if I really will be but I was trying to be nice. I mean I kind of mean it, he considers me a friend so I think he can be useful if he has his own church.
When you don’t question someone, they tend to think you agree with them. One must be mindful of this however. If you don’t say no you can get signed up for things you don’t want to. Sometimes you might even need to reassure them that it is indeed okay to keep sharing but you don’t want to force or push it, that is never good. After someone has confided in you enough, you can manipulate and push their ideas and concepts any way you want. You want to make sure that you encourage enough healthy ones that you can still pull off the really mean ones. I like to think I am an enabler; I like to help facilitate people’s goals and fantasies. I use to do whatever was fun until I started getting in trouble. (Thanks to meds tho I know when I can get away with it!) I think my new goal will be, helping Pastor Monroe in guiding this dream of his. I will need the support of a community and connections that would be hard to get without the legitimacy of a church to help fund my plots. So as long as I keep up appearances no one should suspect anything.